It doesn’t get any better than a craft brewery tour with Coen Brothers references.
Or at least that’s what we thought when we heard about a local Big Lebowski-themed event that paid tribute to “The Dude” by pairing delicious craft beer with bowling. In fact, we were so inspired by this idea that we aimed to brainstorm other staggeringly brilliant ways to mix booze with film and TV favourites.
But this was the best we could come up with:
Do your best Keanu impression and hop on the 99 B-Line after a tour through Brewery Creek’s finest tasting rooms. There’s zero chance the horribly crowded bus will explode, but your bladder might before you can get to your stop.
Honour another Coen Bros. classic by orchestrating a fake kidnapping with a buddy. Hit the road with them and hide out in sleazy dive bars throughout the province. Pretend a pregnant police chief is on your trail for added effect. And seriously: do not actually kidnap someone, or someone’s going in the wood chipper.
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
Get ready to have your mind blown as you precisely mirror Kubrick’s masterful cosmic odyssey through heavy drinking. Begin by walking down Granville Street any given night to watch bros fight each other, reliving that scene where all the apes get angry at each other. Then, have a homicidal artificial intelligence (Siri) be your guide along the strip as you pay exorbitant cover, then pay even more for pricier, watered down drinks.
End up at the planetarium for a laser light show (and contact high) that’ll mirror the film’s final psychedelic scene.
Rule number one of Fight Club-Themed Pub Crawl is you do not talk about Fight Club-Themed Pub Crawl. Rule number two is you do not talk about Fight Club-Themed Pub Crawl. Rule number three: No actual fighting. Fighting’s lame, bro.
The exact same as the Fight Club one, but do something computer-y, probably.
Wake up to discover that your friends have left you behind in the middle of nowhere. Find the nearest rustic pubs to fill up on beer nuts and the cheapest off-sales available as you begin your soul-crushing hike back home across treacherous, horrible nature. Watch out for bears.
LORD OF THE RINGS
The most epic of beer tours: walk to every single brewery in the province. After you’ve completed your quest, hurl the One Ring into Mount Doom. Or just hurl.
THE WALKING DEAD
Stumble your way through as many Yeast Van breweries as possible. Cap off the night by falling asleep in a cemetery. Be reborn the next morning as a bleary-eyed, head-pounding, foul-smelling member of the living undead. Then bang on the windows of Brassneck until they let you in.
BACK TO THE FUTURE
After a tour through Vancouver’s thriving craft beer scene, hop in your DeLorean (a cab) and “travel” 30 years into the past, a.k.a. to Shenanigans on Davie Street. Let loose on the dance floor to swinging hits by Huey Lewis, Hall & Oates and Tina Turner.
There’s no better way to live out your post-apocalyptic beer-tour fantasies than by roaming through the desolate Okanagan heat in the middle of summer, scavenging for booze – the only liquid that will be more precious than gas in the wasteland. (If only there were some biker gangs around to make this theme more authentic…)
Leave work at lunchtime and get as hammered as possible, preferably at a high-end cocktail bar. Follow that up with a bottle of vodka you keep stashed in your desk, immediately before a big meeting. Deliver a career-defining idea, or blubber something about Hershey’s chocolate. Probably get fired.
HOUSE OF CARDS
A tour for those on the Island who want to live out their favorite Netflix series. After a few rounds, head to the Parliament building to watch some rousing politicking.
Relive the Prohibition era though the HBO series’ most memorable character – no, not Nucky Thompson, Al Capone or Lucky Luciano – but psychopathic Prohibition Bureau agent Nelson Van Alden. Bust into as many “gin joints” as possible and get furious at people drinking and having a good time.
Finally, a brewery tour you can do from the comfort and privacy of your own house as you go on a journey through your feelings – exactly like the hit Pixar family film. Experience Joy as you dive into your beer collection and crack open your prized possession, that Westvleteren 12 you’ve been cellaring for years. Then, let Anger take over as you think about how all your friends called all your ideas for pop culture-themed brewery tours “the stupidest” and refused to ever call you back. Then experience Fear that you’ll probably be drinking alone forever, especially after your wife left you because you wouldn’t stop bugging her to go on pop culture-themed beer tours. Oh, and wait, here comes good ol’ Sadness when you realize you’ve drank everything in your cellar, and Joy is probably just an illusion anyway. Finally, complete your delightful Disney adventure with Disgust, vomiting in the bathroom after finishing that bottle of Wild Turkey you found in the back of the cupboard, wondering if you’ll die alone.
Illustration by Lindsey Ataya.